The Asperger's symptoms

Looking for clues as an adult

When I was a kid, the term Asperger wasn’t really out there. So, I guess my parents just saw me as a special kid, without investigating further, while I thought everyone around me was weird.

Only since a few years ago I started to think I could ‘have something’, that my odd behavior was not just because I was like this, but there could be a scientific explanation behind it.

I read a lot, thanks to the internet. I passed some online tests, they don’t replace an official diagnostic, but all of them claimed I was a ‘Aspie’. At one point I had to decide if I needed a real diagnostic, it’s a long process so I have to ask myself if it’s worth it. At this point in my life, it would be nice to have an excuse to give to some friends, ex-girlfriends, colleagues, to explain certain things about me, but it won’t change much in my life.

I was ready to start the process this year, but the Covid-19 pandemic changed my plans. I’ll still read about it in the meantime, here’s one great resource about the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome.

Asperger's Syndrome (Asperger Syndrome, Asperger Disorder)

Here are a few symptoms that I strongly relate to.

Avoiding eye contact

This is a big one for me, I just can’t make eye contact, it makes me so uncomfortable. It took me a long time to realize I was doing this, without looking at others I wasn’t aware it was the norm to make eye contact.

Lack of interest in socializing

I can make friends, it’s fine, but I don’t feel the need to maintain a relationship with them. I have friends that I spent months/years without having a conversation, I still consider them as good friends, and I would feel perfectly fine to talk to them if they called me tomorrow.

I am a musician and I regularly play gigs live, it may seem like a real social activity, but in fact I feel like in a bubble when I’m on stage, I mostly feel like I’m an actor playing someone else. But when there’s a break or the show is over, I need to find a place to hide, a quiet place far from the crowd.

Inflexibility and over-adherence to or dependence on routines

My life is based on routines, I feel safe with them. In a restaurant, I’m always ordering the same thing, for months, even years. It wasn’t unusual for a waitress to know my order as I walked into the place, which was great because it meant less talking. I like to sit at the same place in a restaurant, but I won’t get mad if the place is taken.

When I go walk, I keep the same path, unless there’s too many people in the way. This winter I used to go walk twice a day, once in the afternoon and one in the evening. I was going at the same restaurant, ordering the same thing, it was actually the greatest moment of the day.

Unusually sensitive to noises

This one is weird, especially during bedtime. I live in an apartment, and every sound that doesn’t come from me stresses me out, mainly walking on top of me. I fight that stress by making noise to cover the other’s noise, by putting a video with noise on my computer, starting a fan or air conditioner, and listening to heavy music directly in my ears. In fact, I’ve been listening to music for sleeping since I was a kid, I find it relaxing, even if it’s heavy metal.

So, these are the strongest symptoms in my case, I don’t really relate to symptoms like the difficulty to recognize facial expressions, and not knowing when to talk. And there are a few that I learned to avoid, like saying something inappropriate or having a weird sense of humor. But hopefully one day I’ll be able to confirm all this with a real diagnostic.